WHOA... Hello blog world! Its been long..way too stinking long since I have posted. Life has been pretty much in fast forward for the past eh, year? I had made a promise to myself that this last year I was going to get in mommy zone and enjoy every waking moment of my kids lives. I wanted to relish in the little things instead of worrying about "whats next" or "what needs to be done around here". I can honestly say that I have really lived this past year. I mean really, I survived..WE survived!
Dear Mia Fumiko,
Tomorrow you turn 1 year old. How? How is it that I was JUST crying my eyes out, practically begging to be pregnant? I can tell you the truth.. I only prayed for 1 baby. Never in a million years did I ever think I was worthy of raising TWO babies at once. I didn't think I was one of the "chosen twin mamas", but I am sure glad god chose me to be your mama. I can clearly replay the day our Dr. told us we would be expecting you and your brother. I was in complete disbelief. I cried. I cried some more. I laughed..hysterically. I hugged Mylee TIGHT. I was so afraid I would not be able to give all 3 of you kids everything you deserved from a mama. I was scared... after you experience a miscarriage, you are in constant fear, but now I was expecting twins and there was MUCH more to be afraid of. So many things could go wrong- but they didn't. Dream pregnancy. You and Kai Kai were so so good to mama. I felt GREAT. I was giant, but I embraced every pound gained! The day you were born you showed us your personality. Your bag of waters broke at about 5:30 am when I rolled over in bed. I hopped up quickly so I wouldn't soak the bed. I wobbled to the bathroom where I changed then decided to get back into bed. I cuddled Mylee so so much. I laid there for about 30 mins and then the contractions started immediately at 5 mins apart. I knew this labor would be like Mylee's birth, fast. I finally woke up daddy; "Weston, don't freak out--- but My water broke a little bit ago. My contractions are 5 mins apart." Daddy was so funny. He was so worried about what we should do while I was just wanting to stay in bed a rest. We finally went to the hospital when my contractions were about 3 mins apart. A few hours later I got the epidural knowing that your brother was breech and there was a big chance the Dr would need to internally flip him. almost immediately I felt you forcing your way out! I told the nurse that "it was time" but they had to call my Dr and get a whole big staff of Dr's ready in the OR (Just in case!). I remember just forcing my body to hold you inside. As soon as we got set up to push, I pushed ONE time and you literally shot out. My Dr actually caught you! My little tiny 5 pound 2 ounce Mia Fumiko was born! Crying and so so pretty! I cried, Daddy cried, Grammy cried. You were perfect. I was so happy to hear that sound I longed for! I was so proud to be your mommy! The next two weeks were the happiest, scariest, and most trying time of my life. You were fierce. You held it together for Brother. You kept me sane while I could not hold or touch Kai Kai. Everyone commented on what a little peanut you were, yet you were as content as could be. So small. so sweet. so perfect. I couldnt get over how your arm was just barely as big as my thumb. I wish I could find that picture. You are my tiny little miracle. We are a year in and I couldn't imagine our lives without you. You make me laugh, you are so gentle. You LOVE your brother bear so so much. You make this silly "old lady" voice that cracks every one up! You love saying "whoaaaaa" and "Uhh Da!". You are 17 pounds of love. You are my sweet girl. My best baby girl. I love you oh so much Mia Pia puddin' pie!!! Happy 1st Birthday sweet lovey bug!!! Mama loves you SO!
Dearest Kai Michael,
Oh my sweet boy. I had no idea how much my life would change when we found out we were expecting not only twins, but a BOY at that! I was so excited! Your daddy's face lit up when the Dr. announced that there was a little boy in my belly. I could not wait to see what awesomeness you would bring into our family and a home of barbies and princess'. You started your entrance into this world with a little bit of a harder start, but I can honestly say that I am thankful for that. I am SO grateful for those crazy, insane, torturous days because now I can relish in the fact that you are well! After Mia was born you were supposed to "flip to head down", but you didn't. You wanted mama. You didnt budge. The Dr. tried to externally flip you, didn't work. I had these crazy urges to push so I asked the Dr if I could just push you out- she assisted by pulling your feet down into position while I pushed you out feet first. We joke about this sooo being your personality. You are my little mama's boy. You were so happy where you were, I had to force you out. As soon as you were born I knew something wash't right. You were laid on my belly immediately. You were blue. No crying like Mia was. I was afraid. I was looking around for what seemed like eternity for a Dr to take you off of me and tell me you were ok. Once you were taken off of me I could hear mumbling and then commotion. Your lungs were not as "elastic" as Mia's. You needed a little bit of extra help to get those lungs going. When the Respiratory therapist bagged you, he accidentally tore your tiny little lung. I had no idea what this meant. It wasn't until later when I realized how serious this all was. I just remember the neonatologist coming into our room and asking to talk to "the parents" and everyone else needed to leave. It brought me back to Mylee's birth. When we went to visit you and Mia, you were hooked up to so many things. It scared the life out of me. Chest tube, IV's, feeding tube... too many tubes. I cried, I cried for you, I cried for Mia and Mylee. I wanted to show you off, but I couldnt. You were supposed to be wiggling and snuggling us- but you couldnt. I was so so sad! I told all of our friends and family about you. You looked sooo much like uncle James and Justin. While I was sitting and holding Mia you kept forgetting to breath. Machines would go crazy and the Dr's would have to shake you to get your heart rate back up. I had to leave. I knew this was not good. The dr met us in our room to tell us they had to intubate our sweet boy. I was EXTREMELY nervous to walk into that NICU and see my baby boy with a tube down your throat, not moving. As the next few days approached the hosiptal made mommy and daddy go home. We spent one night home where I cried and cried and cried hysterically. I couldnt sleep. 2 of my 3 babies were 15 mins away from us. I hated getting up to pump in the middle of the night and calling the NICU to check on you guys, I wanted to kiss you and just stare at you. The next day is when we began our Hospital parking lot camping trip :). Mommy, Daddy, and Mylee all camped in the parking lot so that we could be as close as possible to you and sister. I was there for every single feeding, every bath, every shot, every test, every moment I could. Daddy was such a help. Mylee got to spend lots of time with Grammy, Grandpa, and Grandma. When you were healthy enough to come home I could not wait for you to meet your big sister! She did not like having to stay in the waiting room every time we visited you! When we got home I loved on you soo soo much. No cords or tubes to get in the way! You always wanted to cuddle on Mia. You always (and still do!) move your head to be as close as possible to her when you sleep. I have never seen a little boy love his sister as much as you do. You always follow Mia around the house. You kiss her and stroke her face. You make us all laugh with your silly sounds and big facial expressions. You trick everyone else by acting so serious, saving all your silliness for us. I love that you are so snuggly. You are nick named my "little lap dog" because you would be perfectly content sitting on my lap (or really anyones) all day. You study all the toys. I love how you smell when you wake up from nap, little sweaty baby. You are such a blessing to our lives. You have taught me patience in gods timing and brought a new dynamic to our family. I never knew that having a boy could be this much fun! I love you so much my Kai Kai brother bear!!! Happy 1st Birthday!
Dear friends and family,
THANK YOU! Thank you for the support over this past year +pregnancy of twins! It has been the most rewarding journey.. difficult at times, but mostly awesome. We have adjusted to a family of 5 perfectly. I am loving this life. We have fun. So much always going on in the Neuschafer home, and I wouldn't have it any other way! I am excited to see what this year holds for not only the Neuschafer twins, but also for our family! Stay tuned, as I am back to the blogging world! Love to you all!!
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